Dear Diary
by Fayre Aiden
Summary: GSR and Yo!Bling from the team's POV. Written in diary form.
1. Part 1: Chapter 1

**CSI Dear Diary**

**Disclaimer: I'm just a fan, so unfortunately I don't own CSI or anything associated with it other than the DVDs, novels, graphic novels, etc. Don't sue me.**

**Summary: GSR from Nick's POV. Written as diary entries.**

**Spoilers: Some here and there, but we've seen them all already, so it's not really spoiling, is it?**

**A/N: This idea came to me as I was looking through a series of CSI: fanfic challenges. THIS WAS NOT TAKEN DIRECTLY FROM A CHALLENGE, MERELY INSPIRED BY ONE!**

* * *

**Date: 1/1/2006, 9:38 pm**

**Dear Diary,**

Today is New Years Day, and it is my resolution this year TO KEEP MY RESOLUTION. So, here it goes… I, Nicholas Stokes, resolve to keep this diary on a regular basis.

Okay, I'll admit, I don't normally keep a journal. In fact, this wasn't even my idea. It was a Christmas present from Sara, and she thought it would be a good way to deal with the stress from… well, the incident. Hell, I don't even know what people write about in a journal! But still, I guess it's better than going to a therapist… God knows I was never comfortable talking about the really personal stuff with "the professionals".

Well, tonight should be interesting… Yeah right. I have to finish up the paper work on last week's case. But maybe it'll be a busy night… In Vegas, you never know.

----- ----- -----

**Date: 1/2/2006, 8:53 am**

**Dear Diary,**

Remember when I said last night should be interesting? No joke…

Another busy night in Vegas. I'll never understand why people do some of the things they do… Sara and I were assigned to a case with Grissom out in Seven Hills, some teenager found dead behind the community pool house shot twice in the head. The country club owner had called it in. Sara and Grissom did autopsy. I logged in evidence. When I was done, I went to catch the tail end of the autopsy, but what I caught was more than I bargained for.

Apparently, the autopsy had revealed evidence of domestic abuse, which set Sara off, as usual. Grissom was trying to calm her down, intent on preventing another meltdown like last time. But when she tried to break away from his grip, she hit him. For a minute, they both kinda just stood there in shock, then Sara took off running, on the brink of tears.

I couldn't believe what I had just seen. I mean, Sara is a totally nonviolent person… ok, well not _totally _nonviolent, but she hates using it, and hates it even more when people use it to solve problems. The fact that she actually hit Grissom kinda scared us all, I think. I hope she's gonna be ok.

----- ----- -----

**Date: 1/3/2006, 9:14 am **

**Dear Diary,**

Just got back from breakfast with the crew... well, the crew minus Sara. Sara didn't come to work today. I think she's still embarrassed about yesterday. Grissom was worried about her. I could tell when he called us in for updates on our cases. He asked if anyone had seen or heard from her after yesterday's shift… She certainly wasn't herself after the autopsy. But no one had. Of course, Catherine was just pissed about being assigned another dead stripper case, so I doubt she noticed anything that went on yesterday with Sara.

Spent today chasing clues. Checked out the bullets collected from the kid's skull. Bobby D said they were .22 caliber, so I called Brass and asked him to get us a warrant for the kid's home, specifically for firearms. While he was busy at the courthouse (his _favorite_ place to be…), I looked over the kid's clothes. Shirt with the community country club logo and black pants. So, the kid worked at the county club, but my question was why was he there so late at night? I mean, he couldn't've been any older than 14. My guess: I think the country club owner is hiding something…

----- ----- -----

Date: 1/5/2006, 10:02 pm 

**Dear Diary, **

Okay, I only got an hour till work, so this'll have to be quick.

The kid's house didn't give us much. We found a few notes on his bulletin board and some tucked under his mattress that he obviously didn't want the parental units to find. What did give us some interesting information was in the clubhouse itself. We found semen on the desk in the club owner's office. DNA should spit something out.

But anyways, Sara came back last night. Tried to corner her in the locker room, but she didn't want to talk much; just said that she took a well-deserved and much-needed night off. The part that shocked me was that she actually admitted to needing time off… For Sara, that's like admitting that she's human. She kept saying that she's fine, but she has a tendency to say that whether she's fine or not. I'm worried about her.


	2. Part 1: Chapter 2

**Date: 1/6/2006, 12:36 pm**

**Dear Diary,**

Okay, Sara's definitely _not_ fine. This case is _really_ getting to her. She and I went back to the kid's house to talk to the parents about the notes, and she blew up at the mother. The mother had said something about how she and her son didn't really get along, and how he needed discipline in his life. Sara started accusing the mother of domestic abuse, telling her how she'd found a hand-shaped mark on the boy's arm, and how all she needed to do was compare the mother's hand against the mark to arrest her. I had to apologize to the family and pull Sara outside to see what the hell was wrong with her. The gist of the conversation:

"_Sara, what's going on?"_

"_They hit that little boy, and I'm going to prove it!"_

"_We don't know that."_

"_You weren't in the autopsy room… You didn't see that boy. And do I need to remind you that the country club owner told us that Dylan used to stay late at the club because he didn't want to go home?"_

"_Do _I_ need to remind _you_ that the semen we found on the desk of the owner belonged to Dylan? She took advantage of him, too. Look, I know there's something wrong here, but you need to calm down."_

After that, Sara didn't speak much for the rest of shift. I don't get it… She usually keeps her emotions in check, but lately she's been all over the place. There's something about violence that pisses her off, and I don't know what it is, but I'm going to find out.

----- ----- -----

**Date: 1/7/2006, 11:57 pm**

**Dear Diary,**

Today is officially my day off, but I went in for a bit to talk to Grissom. It was kinda creepy to be in his office alone with the door closed and all his creepy crawlies almost glowing… I'll never get used to that…

Anyways, I told him I was worried about Sara. He said he was too… I could see why. I could still see the outline of where she'd hit him on his bicep peeking out from under his sleeve. I told him about the scene at the parent's house… ok, well I didn't tell him everything, but I told him that I knew the case was getting to her. I didn't want her to get in trouble. Besides, if he took her off the case, she'd know that I said something and then she'd be pissed at me, and _I_ certainly don't want any bruises… An angry Sara is not pretty.

Before I left, though, I asked Grissom about Sara's past. That conversation came and went real fast. The gist:

"_Grissom… please tell me I'm not the only one who's noticed that Sara gets a little… overzealous about abuse cases."_

"_Trust me, Nick, you're not, but there are things in Sara's past that she's trying to deal with right now, and this is part of it. She knows that she's on dangerous ground. Just let her work through it… I'll see you tomorrow, Nick."_

Well, needless to say, after that, the conversation was over.

I don't like the way this is heading…

----- ----- -----

**Date: 1/8/2006, 3:28 am**

**Dear Diary,**

Let it be known to whoever finds this journal that what I have done was done in the very best of intentions. If anything should happen to me, then Warrick gets my collection of baseball cards, Greg gets my Encyclopedia set, Catherine can have the science kit to give to her daughter, Sara gets the gold chain she gave me for Christmas last year, Grissom gets my books, and the rest goes home to my family in Dallas. Let this be my will… cause after what I just did, Sara's gonna kill me.

I've never done anything like this before… I've never had to. But I was worried, and nobody would tell me anything, least of all Sara, so I resorted to drastic measures… I did a background check.

I thought I was going to be sick when I read her file. I still feel sick… I never dreamt that all this could happen. I mean, I see this kind of thing all the time on the job, but when it happens to someone you know, it's a hard blow… You start to realize just how close things can hit.

I couldn't get into her record at work… I don't have clearance. But I logged into the CSI system and found her print file. There were a couple speeding tickets there… not unusual… but then I saw something else. It said that she had been pulled over for a DUI, but they didn't book her since they'd just lowered the limit. They _did_ notify Grissom… I can only imagine how embarrassing that must've been.

But that didn't satisfy my curiosity (I know… It's a flaw), so I went online. I never fully realized just how much a simple Google search can pull up… I found notes on a court case out of Modesto, California in 1984, The People vs. Laura Sidle. The woman was accused of stabbing her husband to death in her bedroom while her children were home, and the evidence was more than enough to convict her… Fingerprints, castoff, and plenty of motive. She even admitted to the crime, pleading with the court to understand that all she was trying to do was stop the abuse. The two children were sent into foster care… a brother and sister, named Jeremy Michael and Sara Marie…

A lot of things came together for me after reading that. I suddenly understood why Sara hates violence, why she claims not to be good with kids, why she says she could never take a life, why she doesn't sleep, why she doesn't understand people, why she never talks about her family… I wish I could get her to talk about it, but that would be mean having to tell her what I did, and the last thing I want is her mad at me.

What do I do?

----- ----- -----


	3. Part 1: Chapter 3

**Date: 1/10/2006, 10:27 am**

**Dear Diary,**

It's been 2 days. Work has been hell. Every time I look at a new piece of evidence, I'm reminded of what Dylan went through… of what Sara went through… of what I went through…

We finally got the club owner to say that she and Dylan were having sex, but she claimed that it was consensual… that they were in love. He was 14! He didn't know what love was!

And she didn't know that Doc Robbins had done a sexual assault kit during the autopsy… and it came out positive. She was arrested on the spot. At least that brings _some_ closure.

----- ----- -----

**Date: 1/11/2006, 4:54 pm**

**Dear Diary,**

Double shift today. I ended up spending most of it going over the notes we found in Dylan's room again. I didn't know what it is about them, but I felt like they still have something to say… I was right. I realized that we'd talked to the parents about their relationship with Dylan, but we hadn't talked to his friends. One of the notes talked about him having a fight with his best friend over some girl. So I grabbed Sara and we talked to his parents, got the lowdown on his friends…. Names, addresses…

Mark, Dylan's best friend up until a week ago, said that it was no big deal, just some girl that they both liked. He claimed that Dylan overreacted and ditched him for the girl, but Stephanie had a different story. She said that they were both vying for her attention and that Mark didn't like the fact that she chose Dylan.

We're now working on a warrant for Mark's room. Maybe we'll find some clue as to what happened behind the pool house.

----- ----- -----

**Date: 1/12/2006, 8:49 am**

**Dear Dairy,**

Not much headway today. Either Mark didn't do anything or he's hiding that gun really well.

Grissom looked really stressed today. He tried to talk to Sara, but she's avoiding him. Ever since the autopsy, she speaks to him only when necessary. I thought she was still embarrassed about hitting him, but now, after what I found, I think it goes deeper than that. If that court case really is her mother, then she probably never wanted to become like her family, and her episode with Grissom brought her closer to that than she wanted to admit.

She didn't say much about it at breakfast, but as everyone was leaving, she asked me to stay behind. She said she was worried about me, that I had been acting odd lately. You can imagine why… I told her that the case was getting to me. That conversation went a hell of a lot farther than I thought it would. The gist:

"_This case is hard, Nick. Harder than a lot of what we see… It's getting to everyone."_

"_It's just brought up a lot of personal issues that I'm still trying to work through…"_

"_Yeah, I know what you mean. Seeing this kind of thing brings back a lot of unwanted memories."_

I hesitated… Was she actually admitting to being abused as a child? I wasn't going to push it, so I changed the subject… kind of.

"_I just hate it that people like the club owner think they can get away with taking advantage of kids."_

"_But she didn't. We got her, Nicky. And Dylan's family can rest knowing that she won't be able to hurt anyone else." _

"_Yeah... At least he's older than I was…" _

I froze. I couldn't believe I'd just said that. I looked up at her to see that she was in shock, too… Maybe Catherine doesn't repeat everything she hears.

"_Oh, Nick… I'm so sorry…"_

"_Yeah… I am, too."_

"_It wasn't- It wasn't family, was it?"_

"_No… babysitter."_

When she heaved a sigh of relief, I summoned my courage and delved deeper than I normally would have dared.

"_You know what it's like, don't you, Sara? To be betrayed by someone you trust?"_

She nodded and stared into the depths of her coffee cup, as if it held answers.

"_My father hit us… When I was 12, my mother… well, she stopped it." _She looked up and gave a sad smile. _"I guess we found something else we have in common."_

As if on cue, her pager went off, and she made an excuse and made to leave. I grabbed her hand before she left and thanked her. She smiled and walked away.

----- ----- -----


	4. Part 1: Chapter 4

**Date: 1/13/2006, 1:24 pm**

**Dear Diary,**

I can't sleep. It's hard to get yesterday's conversation out of my head. The only other person I ever told was Catherine and that was during the rebirthing case. Yesterday, I think I really only spoke out of guilt and surprise. I didn't mean for that to come up, but once it was out I couldn't turn back…

Grissom is anxious to solve this case. I think he's noticed just how hard this case is hitting. We went back to Mark's house today. At least this time, his parents were home. Turns out they're missing a .22 revolver. That caught our interest, so we once again presented our warrant to search Mark's room and the rest of the house and got to work. While Sara and Grissom worked inside, I checked the outside of the house… They pulled prints from the gun cabinet, and guess what I found buried outside Mark's window? Our missing revolver, freshly buried. The parents wanted it back, but we had to explain that it was evidence in our investigation. They weren't happy, especially that we were "treating their son as a suspect" (which, I'm sorry, but _he is_), but they also wanted the investigation to be over and Dylan's killer to be found, so they came around.

After it was printed, we took the gun back to Bobby D., and he confirmed that this was indeed our murder weapon. The test bullets were a perfect match to those pulled from Dylan's skull. When we got back to Jacqui for the fingerprint results, she had good news: AFIS spit out a name... Well, two names. The first one was what we suspected. Unfortunately, there was another set of prints overlapping Mark's, and it was out of left field… Stephanie.

----- ----- -----

**Date: 1/14/2006, 9:45am**

**Dear Diary,**

Today we did an interrogation with Mark. We asked him how his fingerprints got on the gun. He just looked at the floor. The lawyer present advised him to clear his name if he could. He sighed, but said that he tried to use the gun behind the pool house, but Dylan and Stephanie found him and got in the way. When we asked why Stephanie's prints were on the gun, he said that she had tried to take it from him and he dropped it. He didn't want to get in trouble, so he ran. He actually seemed upset.

Stephanie was next. She'd waved her right to an attorney, and when we came into the room to question her, she was livid. The gist:

"_What do you think you're doing? What right do you have to butt into our personal lives?"_

"_Stephanie, Dylan was sexually assaulted, abused, and killed. That gives us all the right in the world," _Sara said.

"_So you should be investigating _his_ parents, not arresting mine!"_

It was at that moment that I looked down at the notes and realized that we had overlooked something. Stephanie's mother was the community club owner. I could feel the anger rising in my chest as I thought of what her mother had done, and I fought to suppress it as I took control.

"_Stephanie, listen to me. We're here to talk about you and your fingerprints on the gun that killed Dylan. You were there that night behind the pool house. Wanna tell us what happened?"_

"_I didn't shoot him."_

"_Then why were your fingerprints on the trigger, overlapping Mark's?" _Grissom cut in.

"_Or maybe we should just tell you," _sneered Brass. _"You and Dylan met Mark behind the pool house. The boys got into an argument, over you oddly enough, and Mark got ready to fire the gun, but you tried to stop him."_

"_Yeah,"_ she interjected. _"From shooting himself."_

"_Really?" _Sara said, disbelievingly. _"That's one we haven't heard."_

"_Yeah, well, he was mad that I chose Dylan over him. So he blurted out that Dylan had been having sex with my mom, but that if I wanted to choose the pedophile over him, then fine... and then he tried to shoot himself. Dylan turned away, but I didn't have time to think about what Mark had said. All I did was try to take the gun from him. He jerked away and his finger slipped and fired twice. The bullets hit Dylan in the back of the head. We got scared and we ran."_

At this point, it was Grissom who shook his head and looked at her in disbelief. When he spoke, his voice was quiet and angry.

"_If there's one thing I hate, it's people who hurt kids. You see, I would be inclined to believe your story if there weren't two bullets. Two shots in the head indicates anger and deliberate action, not accident. You shot him on purpose, Stephanie, and we know it, so why don't you tell us what really happened?"_

She looked as shocked as the rest of us. Sara and I looked from Grissom to each other, amazed that he would show such emotion, especially on a case. Even Brass looked at him questioningly.

After a minute, Stephanie sat back and crossed her arms. "_Fine… I told you the truth when I said that Mark tried to shoot himself. I tried to take the gun away, but after a few moments, he gave up and dropped it. Said he couldn't be there any more, and just took off. Dylan tied to take off after him, but I stopped him. I asked him if what Mark had said about him was true. He wouldn't answer, and I got angry. He was going to date me, but he was having sex with my mother! ... Look, I'm not sorry he died, and I'm not sorry that I killed him, but you should be arresting _me_, not Mom. Can't you let her go, now that you know what really happened?"_

"_Oh, no," _I said. _"No, you're going to join her. See, what you didn't let Dylan tell you was that he stayed late every night at work because his parents abused him… He didn't want to go home, and your mother took advantage of that. He was molested, raped, and humiliated, and because of that, your mother's not going anywhere for a long time... and neither are you." _

I couldn't take it anymore. I got up and I left.

----- ----- -----


	5. Part 1: Chapter 5

**Date: 1/15/2006, 8:56 am**

**Dear Diary,**

I spent today finishing paperwork. By the time shift was almost over, I headed to Grissom's office to turn it in, and I think I saw something I wasn't supposed to again… In fact, I know I wasn't supposed to. Seems I've been doing that a lot lately.

I went to Grissom's office and saw the door cracked open. I was about to knock and go in when I heard his voice… and he wasn't talking to me. I shouldn't've stayed, but my curiosity got the better of me. (Once again, I know… It's a flaw.)

I leaned on the doorframe and found him in the reflection of one of his glass bug boxes. Turns out, he was talking to Sara. She was upset over the case, knowing that the parents weren't going to get any sentencing because we couldn't prove that they had beaten Dylan. He was trying to calm her down. The gist:

"_I hate this! I hate it, Grissom!"_

"_Sara, I know this is hard, but at least it's over."_

"_Yeah, only cause Dylan was shot in the head by someone who was supposed to care about him!"_

"_Sara-"_

"_No, Grissom, don't! I know what that boy went through. I know how it feels to be betrayed by someone you once trusted… and it's not fair! And what's even worse is what it's done to the people surrounding it all…"_

"_Somehow, I get the feeling we're not just talking about the case anymore…"_

She sighed and looked to the mark only slightly still apparent on his arm. _"Grissom, I'm so sorry. It should never have come to that…"_

He only nodded.

"_It's just that there's so much injustice in the justice system. It shouldn't be like that."_

There was silence for a moment before he answered.

"_That's the system."_

"_What kind of system rewards the guilty when the victim can't defend himself?" _she said softly. It was at that moment that I realized she was crying. I wanted so badly to go in there and comfort her like I knew Grissom couldn't, but I restrained myself.

Within the next few minutes, I was glad I hadn't embarrassed myself. He surprised us all by leaning in and taking her in his arms. She collapsed into him and just cried. While I stood in shock, he gave small comforting gestures that seemed to have a calming effect on her, and soon she sniffled away the tears while he lifted her chin to look into her eyes. Wiping the tears with his thumbs as he cupped her face, he smiled at her. She smiled back and kissed him.

I couldn't believe it. SHE ACTUALLY KISSED HIM! I never thought I'd see her be so bold… I mean, I knew she liked him. Who doesn't know about the little flirtations that have been going on between them since she first got here? But I never thought she'd act on them.

But what surprised me even more was when he kissed her back… I guess he's not as emotionally deficient as we all once thought.

Well, needless to say, I blew that Popsicle stand before things progressed any further. I mean, I'm not going to say anything about what may have happened after I left, but I certainly didn't want to see them all over each other like a couple in high school sneaking a make-out session in the school locker room.

----- ----- -----

**Date: 1/17/06, 9:48pm**

**Dear Diary,**

Well, shift starts in about an hour, so I gotta make this quick.

Things are getting a bit back to normal around lab. Less tension means happier lab workers, which means justice for Las Vegas. I'm on a new case, and once again find myself wondering about the things people do to one another. Catherine finally stopped grumbling about her dead stripper case and found the culprit, only to find herself on a case with a missing 5 year old. (I'd hate to be at the receiving end of _that_ blowout…) Warrick and Greg have found a new passion to consume their free time: Dance Dance Revolution in the break room… I think Grissom may find that entertaining, despite his efforts to frown upon such a blatant waste of brain cells… OK, I admit, I joined in, but only b/c I was waiting on DNA and Trace results.

But best of all, Grissom and Sara have finally worked out some issues, and I think their "relationship" could turn into something good. God knows they both deserve it. Who knows... maybe things might heat up between Catherine and Warrick now. They've definitely had their own set of special moments. After all, in Vegas, anything is possible.

For now, this is Nicholas Stokes, signing out. Catch you later.


End file.
